BY: DANFORD
WASHINGTON, DC – The Congress of the United States of ‘Murica passed a new stimulus bill directed at Western New Yorkers this Friday.
Despite the chaos currently rampaging through the legislative branch of the free world, it seems the country was in agreement when it came to Buffalo, NY. A unanimous vote in both chambers of Congress yields money to the pockets of Sabres fans.
Informally known as “The Sad Sports Team Act,” this bill will give every Sabres fan $1 for every game they watched (and suffered through) this season. Additional compensation will be given to delirious fans that thought a) this was their year, b) $TAGE would go to the moon, and/or c) Jack Eichel would be staying in Buffalo.
“We know that these are difficult times for Americans across the country,” said one anonymous Congressperson, “but they are much more difficult for those unfortunate souls who root for the Sabres. I mean, there’s not much to do right now other than watch sports…imagine your team descending into a dumpster fire. Just upsetting.”
The Sabres were not available to make a comment, as they were too busy imploding on themselves.
*This article is satire. Information in this article is fictitious, however similar it may be to real events. Accounts from public figures and businesses mentioned by name are invented. Any parallels found to actual people, businesses, and events is purely coincidental.*
For live updates and breaking news, follow Trainwreck Sports, Crossing Swords, 2 Goalies 1 Mic, Happy Hour Hoops, and The Crowd Assist Podcast on Twitter or subscribe to our YouTube channel
The Sports Desk can be reached at editorialtrainwrecksports@gmail.com
One Response
This is very interesting, You are a very skilled blogger. I have joined your rss feed and look forward to seeking more of your magnificent post. Also, I have shared your web site in my social networks!