BY: DANFORD
*This article is satire. Information in this article is fictitious, however similar it may be to real events. Accounts from public figures and businesses mentioned by name are invented. Any parallels found to actual people, businesses, and events is purely coincidental. *
ORCHARD PARK, NY – After seeing the terrifying power of the Hail Mary, the Buffalo Bills have converted to Catholicism, per sources.
“It wasn’t an easy decision, but we had to do something,” said Coach Sean McDermott, donning a cassock. “At first, we were skeptical, like the Houston Texans being a good football team. But now, we believe.”
The Bills blew an awe-inspiring comeback in the fourth quarter against the Arizona Cardinals after failing to stop the most miraculous play in all of football – the Hail Mary. What usually succeeds against teams once every few years occurred the following game, with the Chargers completing a Hail Mary TWICE (once called back by a penalty and once successfully).
In a clear attempt to avoid any further sports curses, the Bills chose wisely and fell to their knees before the Almighty. Unfortunately, the team knows they are not out of the woods just yet.
“We know how the man upstairs works,” said Poyer, Hyde, and White, in harmonious unison. “A third Hail Mary WILL come. But we will be prepared. Trust the Process. Trust in God.”
The all-star secondary shuffled off, reciting Philippians 4:13 – “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”
GO BILLS!
The Sports Desk can be reached at editorialtrainwrecksports@gmail.com
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