BY: DANFORD
BUFFALO, NY – In an unexpected turn of events Thursday, Buffalo Bills GM Brandon Beane was named America’s Top Architect over the favorite and 22-time award winner, Bob The Builder.
“A lot of people have been asking me, ‘Can we fix it?’”, said Bob, wistfully removing his hard-hat after one reporter inquired on his chances of reclaiming the award in the near future.
“The short answer is – no, I don’t think we can.”
This comes following an unprecedented amount of success stemming from Beane’s glorious masterpiece, the Buffalo Bills.
“I honestly didn’t even know this was a thing,” said Beane earnestly, “but it sure is nice to see Buffalo finally getting some well-earned respect across the nation.”
For ‘Big Balla’ Beane’ (a name his associates affectionately call him by), this award has been years in the making. After making the bold move to the Buffalo Bills, a football team in need of many repairs, Beane went right to work. In a job that had bested many self-proclaimed ‘builders’ before him, Beane rose to the occasion and constructed a football paragon. He began by removing the previous builder’s work, stating their construction was simply “not up to code.” From here, Beane began to build, brick by brick, an organization that now has seen success, the likes of which have not occurred in over two decades.
While Bob The Builder was clearly devastated to learn that he was not this year’s recipient of the prestigious accolade, he did have this to say about Brandon Beane: “If there is anyone who ‘can fix it’ better than me, it’s Beane.” In a sign of respect, Bob proceeded to plow through a folding table, ending his press conference with one final statement: “Go Bills.”
The Sports Desk can be reached at editorialtrainwrecksports@gmail.com
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